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Post by mickey on Sept 2, 2011 6:42:50 GMT -5
warning: this thread will contain attempted drug use / drug references so if you're sensitive to that kinda stuff VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. Don't do drugs, kids.
"Hey Mason, it's Mickey! Just calling to remind you I have a show to do tomorrow night at eight and I think it'd do you some good to have a few laughs. So... uhh...give me a call, don't give me a call... it doesn't matter but it'd mean a lot to me to see you there! Unless you're busy and you can't come then I'd understand and st--"
BEEEEP.
"...Talked too much on the last one , ha ha! Well anyway. See you tomorrow? Later!"
- - -
Dominic sat in his seat on stage, hand covering his mouth as a rest for his head as he glanced over the growing audience in the bar - mostly there just for a drink instead of seeing his stand up. He didn't mind, however, that wasn't what was bothering him. In fact, not a lot was bothering him at all, aside from the need to tap his foot over and over. Twitchy... he didn't like being so twitchy before a show. He knew what he needed but it was too late for that. The boy's anxiety grew, however, as he felt the room grow hotter and hotter which was causing his forehead to perspire.
Red face, red face, sweaty red face - he didn't like it.
Feeling his breath slowly grow shorter and shorter against his hand he straightened himself, reciting the routine in his head over and over. In the end, he knew that these people wouldn't have cared to see his routine at all. All he was to them and this shitty bar was background noise.
background noise...that's all.
He was such a liar. Mickey knew that his overwhelming happiness was just a ruse. His audience wouldn't, however, and the more he bullshitted his way into being funny the sooner he'd be able to hide himself from everyone to get his fix. It was sad... how that became all he cared about all of the sudden. There was a time in his life when he actually enjoyed making other people laugh, but now it paid. He was nothing but a sellout.
And while he would care...
He didn't. Not anymore.
God, please don't show up...
"Hey guys! How're we all doing tonight?"
"Honestly I'm surprised at such a great turnout. I didn't think you guys would come all the way out here just so see me talk! ...Oh wait...No? Oh... Guy in the back is saying he just came for a drink, haha. Thanks, guy!"
"Well the rest of you I thank for giving me your time!"
"Yeah, if you can't tell, I'm American. 'What's an American doing here in our bar!?' The owner said he needed more people to laugh at. And...naturally I thought because of the language barrier he meant 'we need a comedian' - but no, he didn't. He literally meant 'we need a stupid American to stand on stage that we can LAUGH at.'"
"There is a problem with the Japanese and English language.. Japanese you guys have the letter 'L' said like 'R'. In English, there's a huge difference between a rake and a lake. So when a nice Japanese fellow tells me to go jump in a rake then naturally I'm gonna be a little confused..."
"Then I realized that neither suggestion was very nice..."
It didn't go horribly - luckily for Mickey the Japanese audience took the borderline offensive jokes well. He was sure to be gentle with his presentation and not to insult any of them, smiling and making fun of himself for the entirety of it. It was a good balance, in his opinion, and earned himself a few chuckles. The dimmed lights didn't let him look for any familiar faces, and even if they did... Dominic doubted he'd stop to say hello.
THMP THMP THMP THMP THMP THMP [/center] He couldn't tell where the sound was coming from. His heart... his throbbing headache... or the heavy patter of his shoes while rushing to the bathroom. All of his thoughts were drowned in the sound of this horrible thumping, tasting his own bile as the muscles in his stomach contracted over and OVER AND OVER. Dominic stumbled into the bathroom, hands flying for the sink to steady himself as he vomited violently into it, not caring who heard him or saw him do it. All that his mind was on was getting it all out. The smell rose up and stung his nostrils, and the need for his drug was growing with every second. The sweat accumulating on his forehead grew hotter each moment he spent thinking about it and staring into the sink instead of going for the syringe in his backpack. Dizzy and disoriented, but still moving quickly, Dominic thrusted himself into the nearest stall without thinking to close it. He threw his backpack off his shoulder to dig through it, feeling around for his needle along with the small vial that contained his smack. Hastily, Dom flipped the needle and jabbed it into the vial. He realized, however he needed a tourniquet and dropped the syringe in this realization, feeling around for the one he carried around with him in his backpack and wheezing softly as he felt his breath growing shorter and shorter with anticipation. His frustration reached to such an extent that his voice was coming through his breaths, then slammed his head against the stall to give an angry cry. Disgusting. He was so disgusting![/color] [/sub][/sup] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Mason Viles on Sept 2, 2011 20:24:57 GMT -5
"Where are you going all dressed up?" ~"Out...
...and this is hardly dressed up." "Uh huh...
So, is it a secret then?"
"No. It just doesn't concern you." "Oh, soo...it is?""...It's not." "Heh...suit yourself sweetheart.
Just don't have too much fun without me." ~
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
It wasn't until Mason arrived at the bar that he fully comprehended the spite in Salamon's words. Don't have too much fun. Because...when was the last time Mason had ever done anything fun? He couldn't even remember and the more the thought about it the more he realized how pointless (or amusing?) it might seem to someone other than him; that he was going out to do something exciting. Chances were Salamon was certain he was incapable of doing so on his own.
The sad part was, she was most likely right.
That was most likely the reason Mason had even decided to go to this thing, because he wanted to prove he didn't need anyone's guidance to have a good time. It was contradicting however, as Mason wasn't entirely relying on himself for this. Dominic had been the one to invite him and if he hadn't, Mason most likely wouldn't have even gone in the first place. He nearly hadn't gone regardless. Comedy wasn't even something he particularly enjoyed, but...
"And...naturally I thought because of the language barrier he meant 'we need a comedian' -"
Mason might have felt bad for missing part of Dom's routine as he entered the bar - that is, if he wasn't so suddenly overwhelmed with his surroundings. This...this place was disgusting and it was safe to say Mason had most likely never been in a bar before today. It smelled like alcohol and dust. Mason felt as if his body was reacting on it's own, muscles stiffening as he attempted to resist the urge to walk right out of the building. He'd come this far, how pathetic it would be for him to leave now.
With tense limbs and restraining the sickness of unease in his stomach, he made his way through the bar until he found the most secluded place to sit. It was off by the wall near the back, keeping to himself throughout Dom's performance. Mason seemed rather focused on his friend as he spoke, unaware that he was staring up at him with such an intense focus.
He was trying hard to dredge up a laugh or even a smile at any of the jokes, not because they weren't funny, but rather because Mason found it difficult to show however amused he was. It was frustrating, as most of his attention went to forcing out any kind of emotion from himself. This place was too uncomfortable for him to do so however, and his expression remained blank throughout the routine.
Several minutes after Dom had disappeared from the stage, Mason decided to get up. He didn't like sitting here by himself, contemplating if he should find Mickey or simply go back home. After all, the only thing that really mattered was that he came. ...Right?
...Something about that didn't sit well with him however. After all he'd put himself through to come here and the fact that Dom had invited him, he figured he should at least go and say hi. Or...that seemed like something a friend should do. He really wasn't sure.
Heading in the direction Dom had disappeared, Mason found himself pushing open the door to the bathroom with a gloved hand. If it was awkward to follow someone into the bathroom, Mason didn't even notice, stepping inside the room before he came to a stop again. As the door shut behind him he blinked, immediately met with the unpleasant smell of vomit. An unfamiliar feeling twisted in his gut as his instincts told him something was awry. Something was wrong - very, very wrong and you should not be here.
The feeling was overwhelming, yet Mason did not go to move back, eyes scanning the stalls in the bathroom. It wasn't hard to tell which one was occupied and after much hesitation he cautiously stepped over. He was surprised to find the door open...though the feeling was completely washed over as his eyes met Dom.
...
The scene seemed so horribly unreal that Mason didn't even know how to react, though he supposed his expression would look as blank as ever. Mason could barely react to normal social happenings and this was...this was like being thrown into fire. How should he react? Was he suppose to stay? ...Maybe he should just leave.
That last option appealed to him, but at this point he had no where to go. He had already made his presence known and to simply turn and walk off seemed wrong. Mason wasn't even sure why it mattered so much to him. He'd never had an issue with ignoring someone or something before. This was just...
"..." Mason's mouth opened to speak, but he hesitated, something he rarely ever did when speaking. Without knowing what else to say, he simply spoke the only thing he could seem to force out of his voice box at the moment, "Dominic."
That was it, the only thing he could bring himself to say. It didn't sound questioning or accusing, if anything just a small word of acknowledgment. Mason's eyes widened some as he stared at the other in his casual fashion, though the confusion in his gaze was nearly impossible to miss.
✕ end. [/sub][/font] |
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Post by mickey on Sept 4, 2011 23:17:43 GMT -5
"Dominic."
Everything froze the moment he heard his name spoken by a familiar voice. The blood drained from his cheeks, his eyes widened, and something cold felt like it pierced through his heart… this was karma at its finest. He had to lose something before he could gain the euphoria he was so longing for, the hand of God he wasn’t able to touch while sober. The only time he ever felt alive and close to whatever truth it was out there was when he was on the nod, but somehow the moment he heard Mason’s voice everything shattered. Enlightenment, realization, everything suddenly seemed so far and unobtainable just by the prod of a needle.
When he spoke, however, he attempted his best…normal tone, the one that contained that carefree happy aspect of Dominic he couldn't keep from using on anyone – even though it was all a lie,"Heyyy, Mason... You made it!" It would have sounded like absolutely nothing had been wrong with him if it weren't for the growing weakness in his voice. But besides that... it was almost as if all of this had been completely ordinary.
Despite this tone, his hand went to the tie around his neck. He had no luck finding his tourniquet.. so he’d have to improvise. Improvise, hah, who knew that doing this shit was so similar to a comedy act? He tugged it loose and looped it around his upper arm, not even offering Mason a look of acknowledgement. He couldn’t look at him.. he couldn’t let him see his face.
"Did you like the show?" he asked, trying to start up a conversation as easily as he would have in any other situation, "You wouldn’t…happen to have a mint would you? Heh… I had a little issue with the food here… not that that’s weird or anything… their chicken wings suck…" Of course, this was a lie, too.
He fell silent the moment he felt his fingers against the cool glass of the syringe and the light ‘swish’ of the smack inside it. How was he going to worm his way out of this…? He couldn’t. There was nothing he could do to convince Mason he was this perfect being like he had wanted to the moment he met him. Being short didn’t hold a candle to this… and he was quietly mourning at the idea of losing of his new friend. "…Guess I’ll never be all that flawless in your eyes, huh?"
And with that, he turned his head slightly to try and face Mason but stopped halfway, glassy tears hiding the look in his eye. It could have been for a lot of reasons, to tear up after having so violently vomited in the sink or the need for his fix or even just the sheer embarrassment of being seen like this. The only thing he could think of doing was to keep talking, but this time his tone fell completely flat... or in a way, heartbroken - if not a bit bitter. "But yanno… Maybe this is good for you." he murmured while flipping the needle between his fingers, trying to find his vein, "Nothing in this life is flawless… "
He muttered this to Mason in a shaky breath, watching the heroin in the syringe drip out the end of the needle after trying to free it from air by pushing down on the plunger, "That’s what makes it so beautiful."
But what did Mickey know? He was going to end up being nothing but a disgusting addict in Mason's eyes - why try to justify it? There was no justifying what he was doing other than wanting to feel alive. He promptly tilted his head up to face Mason then dropped his gaze back down at the needle, releasing another shaky breath, "I never wanted you to see me like this."
And with that, his body quivered with the anticipation before he'd feel that terrible pain strike through his arm with the promise of released stress soon afterwards. It was worth the little pinprick, but he found himself hesitating to make any moves now. Instead, he just sat there, staring intently at the needle while he waited for any kind of response from Mason.
[/sup] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Mason Viles on Sept 5, 2011 5:50:03 GMT -5
"Heyyy, Mason... You made it!"
"Did you like the show?"
There was a certain coldness in Mason's gaze as Dominic sputtered off about something or another, finding he wasn't even listening to what he had to say about food or whatever he was going on about. It was a lie; a conclusion that Mason suddenly found himself associating with whatever was coming from the other's mouth. A barrier felt as if it were forming around Mason and away from his friend the longer he stood there and watched him handle the needle. It was the same barrier he held up against everyone else...one he had dared to weaken just this once by putting his faith in another.
...Wasted hope. That's how it felt.
"…Guess I’ll never be all that flawless in your eyes, huh?"
Mason's gaze sharpened in cruel agreement, not once leaving Dominic as if doing so would help him understand why the other was doing this, or...why he felt as if he'd been betrayed. As if this whole situation had been set up against him somehow, that Dominic never really wanted to be his friend. It was such a selfish way of thinking, especially at a moment like this, but Mason was oblivious of this thought. He had never had to think about anyone else other than himself before...and this situation would be no different. This was the only thing that occupied his mind at the moment, even as Dom sat there with a needle in his hand ready to poison himself. All Mason worried about was his own bitterness...
...then...
"But yanno… Maybe this is good for you."
"Nothing in this life is flawless… "
"That’s what makes it so beautiful."
"I never wanted you to see me like this."
Mason realized at this point he hadn't moved in the slightest from when he'd discovered Dominic, though he couldn't bring himself to change that. For once, he felt his mind wander off himself after Dom spoke, searching his friend quietly. Wait...was he even considered his friend anymore? Mason almost felt a hint of distress at the possible answer, not sure what to think just yet.
"You are disappointing," Mason spoke dully, blinking as the words left his mouth, as if surprised they had escaped him at all. He wasn't sure why he would be though, as something like this would be his usual response to anyone else. However, this response felt wrong, and the longer he stood there the more he began to realize he didn't feel like himself. Otherwise, he would have walked away already... hell, he wouldn't even be here to start with if that was the case.
A small sigh left Mason as he stood there, realizing the last thing he wanted to see at this point was Dominic shooting some drug through his veins. Before he could think about what he was doing, Mason forced a step forward into the bathroom stall, unwilling to just stand there and do nothing. "...don't."
It'd been a long time since he'd willingly touched anyone, and despite the bit of unease it caused him, he reached down and gripped onto Dom's wrist firmly; attempting to keep him from doing anything with the needle in his hand. "Why did you bother inviting me if you didn't want me to see you?" Mason refrained from saying 'like this'...because as far as he was concerned this was the only Dominic he knew at the moment.
✕ end. [/sub][/font] |
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Post by mickey on Sept 5, 2011 6:35:50 GMT -5
"STOP! Stop! MASON..!"
The moment he felt his wrist snatched by Mason his first instinct was to yank it away, but lost heart in a retaliation once he realized that he was being touched by someone he had never been expected to physically, well, touch him. Mason had an air of superiority about him, there was no doubt about that, so when he went so far to 'dirty' himself for the sake of Mickey's well-being he was quickly silenced.
His growing anxiety, however, was causing him to start up again. He could feel the beads of hot sweat forming more and more on his brow. His heart broke when he said he was disappointing – but what was Mickey really expecting from the guy? He let his hand go limp while in Mason’s grip then kicked his legs at nothing in particular like an infant. He wanted to shout at him for grabbing him like that but instead it was just a muffled scream through is teeth, "you don't understand...I DON'T BELONG HERE! I NEED IT!"
Dominic could never explain his irrational feelings of alienation to another human being. The dreams he had even before he started using were so vivid and wonderful, that sucked him into another universe that made him feel like he was actually worth something... able to feel something more than a waste of space. Another cog in a machine that couldn't feel anything for him or offer anything to him. Life was beautiful, life was flawed, but Dominic didn't feel like he fit into any puzzle that this life had to offer. The only time he could was when he was asleep or high... reality was too much for him. He couldn't see the beauty that came with his dreams or heroin in everyday life.
He was nothing special.
just background noise.
"I...just want...to feel something..."
The dizziness and growing anxiety caused the room around him to spin. The only thing he COULD feel was Mason's tight grip on his wrist, causing him to drop his source of solace as it rolled under the other stall. As he felt around for it he felt his motion sickness get worse and worse... he had to steady himself. Dominic's hand flew up somewhere and landed against the cloth of Mason's shirt. He returned the vicegrip and gave it a light tug to steady himself to keep himself from vomiting everywhere again. Once he realized where his hand was he let his forehead drop down against Mason's chest and he shook with short, shaky sobs.
He probably looked pathetic. Disgusting even. But Dominic really didn't care about how his image was right now – after all that. He wouldn't dare try to look at Mason behind his blurry eyes, gritting his teeth hard as he cried against his friend uncontrollably. All he could think about was that resonating question that throbbed along with that horrible headache.
Why did you bother inviting me if you didn't want me to see you?
The answer finally came to him like an incredibly simple math problem. It took him a while to wrap his head around it, and he KNEW very well why he had invited Mason. However, instead of responding with 'three squared' - Mason would have to settle for 'nine'.
"...because you're my friend."
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Post by Mason Viles on Sept 6, 2011 3:10:32 GMT -5
Not once did Mason's grip loosen from around Dominic's arm as the other kicked and screamed through his teeth. Nothing left his mouth or expression as he stared at his friend with a particularly expectant stare...maybe even a soft glare. He needed an answer for his question. Mason needed to know if the reason he was here was real or some kind of sick joke...though...why he thought someone would go this far to make a fool of him he didn't know. Maybe he was just paranoid.
"I...just want...to feel something..."
It was only at this point Mason blinked, his grip unconsciously loosening faintly from around Dominic's wrist. A flood of confusion came over him as his eye stayed intently on the other, the coldness in them faltering as he thought. Dominic seemed like someone who felt so much. He seemed so incredibly happy and carefree...and... Mason couldn't understand. It nearly frightened him, that despite however much he had assumed he knew about Dominic, he was wrong. ...However, what really scared him about the statement was that the pain behind these words felt so hauntingly familiar.
It...reminded him of himself...
Mason suddenly felt hopeless, trapped almost. He began to realize what he had expected in becoming Dominic's friend...in letting himself trust someone who seemed to enjoy life as much as his friend had. All he had really wanted was a shred of it for himself, a small portion of happiness in a life that seemed so dull and pointless when he came to dwell on it. He thought if he associated himself with something that seemed so bright, that it would lighten something in his life. To know this was all just a facade, something fake that Mickey had never really felt...
Mason didn't want to be here anymore.
There was no time for him to act upon this however as Dominic's hand suddenly came up to grab a firm hold of his shirt. At this Mason felt himself freeze completely, muscles tensing almost painfully as his friend came to drop his forehead against his chest and sob. His first reaction was to step back and get Mickey away from him, but he couldn't bring himself to move, stunned and ...even frightened. A sick feeling began to churn in his stomach and he realized he was shaking. Why? He had never dealt with something like this before...no one had ever handled him like this before. Someone was touching him, crying on him even...no one had ever brought themselves into his personal space like this. He wasn't sure if he should shove Dom back or just...stand there.
"...because you're my friend."
Mason looked down at Dominic with wide eyes before his attention shifted to the syringe as it fell from the other's hand and rolled into another stall. As his gaze twitched back to Dom, the unease in his expression began to show like a nasty stain. ...Hn... stains... so much for perfection. Flawlessness. As Mason stood there, such things were far from his train of thought.
"You're...touching me."
It felt like such an insensitive thing to point out as Dom stood there sobbing, and for once Mason felt conscious of this. Despite anything he'd just said, he found both his hands had gone to grip at Mickey's shoulders as if to steady him...and maybe in some way to calm him as well. Mason had no idea what Dominic was going through though, doubting anything he could do would really help...not to mention, he had never put himself in such a position before. He doubted he could be comforting in any way, and it also didn't help that his body was still stiff and shaken.
Why did this bother him so much?
"You're right, I don't understand you."
Mason's voice wasn't angry, if anything rather emotionless. If it weren't for his trembling, he would seem no different than he usually did. Dull...quiet...uncaring...
"...And If this is the only way you can feel anything, then don't let me get in your way. I can go..."
Despite the unwavering tone to his voice, his eyes lowered down to stare at the wall of the bathroom stall as he said this. There was nothing encouraging or hopeful Mason could bring himself to say...as anything of the sort coming from him would seem so horribly hypocritical.
✕ end. [/sub][/font] |
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Post by mickey on Sept 6, 2011 5:32:10 GMT -5
i am your neighbor i can see you
Dominic's grip on Mason's shirt loosened just a bit as his hands touched his shoulders. His body still shook and quivered with a mix of fear and withdrawl. Where did the needle go? His gaze dropped as his neck twisted to look around for the delicate little item that had gotten away from him. Everything was still spinning, but Mason's grip kept him from falling over.i got these blinds that i peek through
"...And If this is the only way you can feel anything, then don't let me get in your way. I can go..."
...What?
Mickey wasn't sure if it was the drugs or whatever that had caused his hands that had so tenderly been pressed against Mason's chest to grip tightly at his shoulders. His fingers dug into his skin, leveling with Mason with a cold look of animosity. It must have been odd. Usually Mickey was the type to smile and act friendly to whoever deserved it... but the mere notion that Mason was ready to leave him like this...
and when you're crying i see your tears fall down
It gave him the strength to position himself to shove Mason against the side of the stall to hold him there. Still fighting the urge to vomit, Mickey began to shoot his mouth off instead - as if thinking that shouting at him would somehow drill the idea into his head that Mickey wouldn't give up on Mason because of something like this... why would he?they're making oceans that in i sink and drown
"I wanted you here!" Mickey yelled desperately at the other, speaking through his teeth as if still self-conscious about his breath or keeping himself from vomiting all over the guy. Things...words...expressions... suddenly everything started to get blurry and blend together. Mickey felt himself becoming more and more dizzy, causing his knees to buckle some and his grip on Mason to loosen. "Maybe not to se-see me like this..."
i feel i know you i feel i know you well
"It's because I'm weak and..."
ive seen you go through - i've seen you go through hell
"I couldn't..."
i am your neighbour i can hear you
"...but I wanted to see you..."
i got this tin can with a string through
"because I care about you - you are my friend!"
and when you're crying i hear your shaking breath
"WHY DOESNT THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?!"
and when you're lying i hear your heart confess
"Mason..."
time's slipping away cuz i see your moving signs everyday
"I didn't mean to--"
you got your things in your boxes your oven's always cold
"I'm...I...I'm...sorry..."
you'll leave me all alone with just an empty peephole
After having a moment or two of fading out of consciousness, his gaze swept over Mason with a concerned look. Mickey's grip finally grew loose enough so that he was sure he wasn't hurting Mason anymore. He wasn't sure why he was driven off the edge by his suggestion. Maybe it was because this whole time he had been trying to teach Mason that life really wasn't all that bad... and he had failed him by exposing himself to be nothing but an addict that couldn't feel anything without the help of drug. His mouth opened and closed mutely a few times before he was able to find the words he needed.
"I..I'm...not wrong..."
"I'm...broken...but I'm not unhappy..."
"I just..."
There was no excuse... He couldn't get out of this... after being caught like this and then to add insult to injury - physically assaulting his friend in a way he couldn't seem to control. His head drooped further, feeling the tears rolling down his cheeks go cold.
"don't leave me..."
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Post by Mason Viles on Sept 7, 2011 6:02:17 GMT -5
The tension Mason felt only increased as Mickey's went up to grip tightly at his shoulders, actually finding himself sinking down a small bit. No one dealt with him like this, not ever. All Mason seemed able to do as he was shoved back into the bathroom stall was blink and stare at Dominic. He barely realized it, but his grip on the other's shoulders had come to tighten as well, though not nearly, if at all, as harsh as his friends. There was no emotion other than fear behind this, actually finding this entire situation was starting to frighten him more and more, still trembling lightly and wide-eyed.
It didn't help that he was being yelled at - questioned, even scolded for having wanted to leave. Several time, he opened his mouth to speak ...though his will to do so was drowned out in Mickey's struggling shouts. Mason couldn't see what he'd done wrong. As far as he was concerned, this is what he thought Dominic had wanted... to be alone so he could shoot up and feel the calm and belonging he had admitted a longing for. No part of that plan seemed to involve him and Mason was starting to feel perplexed as Mickey continued to speak as if he was suppose to know what he'd wanted.
It bothered him almost... slightly irritated with what was being expected from him so suddenly. He never asked to be Dominic's friend or to come to this thing tonight. Mickey had no right to be angry with him... or at least that was the thought Mason felt justified to believe.
Mason suddenly realized the grip he had on Dominic's shoulders as the boy seemed to fade from consciousness a moment, keeping a hold of him as if to keep him from falling back. That was the only reason this time however, as he no longer felt like his friend deserved any form of comfort he could offer. He had already tried that... and in return was shoved back into a wall.
He was somewhat grateful as his friend's grip loosened, though at the same time he could still feel a sting as if Mickey's fingers were still digging into his skin. Mason simply listened quietly as Mickey spoke his last few words to him, resisting a frown as he took an unsteady breath.
...dammit, why was he still shaking?
"I don't understand what you're expecting from me," Mason's usual tone of indifference was replaced with a rather questioning one. He honestly had no idea what to do... or what Mickey expected from him, as he took his words rather literally. Don't leave me. ...That only meant Mason shouldn't abandon him in a bathroom at some bar, or at least that was as far as he took it. Then again, maybe that was all it really meant. He didn't know. It wasn't that Mason was oblivious, but he wasn't exactly keen as far as emotions went.
His discolored gaze hadn't left his friend once since he was grabbed, eyes watching closely as tears continued to roll down Mickey's cheeks. Mason's confusion felt debilitating at the moment, not only unsure what to do, but unsure what to think as well. One moment he is annoyed that his friend seems to be lecturing him and the next he begins to feel sick for reasons he couldn't quite understand. It was an odd mix of anger, fear, and sadness... finding he was incredibly light-headed with it all.
Mason released Mickey's shoulders at this and slowly slide to the side before he was stopped by the corner of the stall by the door, pausing with his eyes still staring. He felt like he needed to say something to explain himself, that he wasn't trying to seem cold-hearted and uncaring. It was just that... he...
"I had really wanted you to be real..."
Mason paused, stalling solemnly as he thought.
"I thought I could trust you."
✕ end. [/sub][/font] |
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Post by mickey on Sept 14, 2011 15:38:32 GMT -5
It took Mickey this long to realize that Mason had been trembling. He looked him over with his tired and hurt eyes, realizing that this relationship was so close to being severed he could literally feel the fray between him and Mason. What was Mickey expecting from him? Why was he so hurt by the fact that his friend looked right about ready to ditch him? Dominic wouldn't stay with himself or try to save himself... and he knew that was saying a lot.
"I had really wanted you to be real..."
"I thought I could trust you."
[/color][/right] Those words... Mason had really put his faith in him, hadn't he? And here Mickey was, ready to just drop on hands and knees and feel around for his needle. But something stopped him... maybe it was because he felt Mason's trembling form against his hands that made Dominic stop from leaving him. Instead he just stared at the other directly into his terrible red eyes, then found himself glancing down at the other as if he were surprised he was still even there. "...Y..you're shaking..."Was he...? "Are you...s-scared...?" Dominic couldn't really help himself but reach back to Mason's shoulders and letting them rest there with a gentleness that had been completely absent until now. Was... he scary? Was he scaring his friend? But why...? His grip tightened somewhat, still dizzy and disoriented from dehydration and the withdrawls. He didn't want to scare him away. "I'm...still me...just..." Dominic's eyes traveled down to his shoes, trembling somewhat himself and leaning forward to very gently press his forehead against Mason's shoulder - needing a crutch. "I've been like this...for a long time...it has nothing to do with you... please don't be afraid of me..."[/color][/sup] [/blockquote] |
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Post by Mason Viles on Sept 16, 2011 16:25:25 GMT -5
It took Mason a moment to wrap his head around Dominic's question - asking if he was scared. He hadn't actually thought about it to be honest, his confusion as to why he was shaking waning slightly as his thoughts lingered on this. ...Was he scared? And if so, why? It didn't quite make sense to him, that he'd be afraid of Mickey...
As his friend reached up to grab his shoulders again though, he felt a kind of rigid chill ran through him, giving a shudder as he wondered why he was shaking in the first place. His entire thought process blanked however as Dominic moved to rest his forehead against his shoulder.
...Why was he doing that?
Mason didn't much approve of being tugged and handled by someone like this... and yet... he did next to nothing to move away or place Mickey away from him. Though he did press his back against the wall of the bathroom some, as if seeking some sort of escape into the inanimate object, that was all he did for a moment - finding this situation was getting increasingly uncomfortable for him.
"I've been like this...for a long time...it has nothing to do with you...
please don't be afraid of me..."
"I'm...not..." he muttered, blinking in mild surprise that he had responded at all, let alone so quickly. Whether he doubted if this was true or not, it didn't show, his eyes staring at the opposing wall with a rather blank look. It still bothered him that he was shaking, though he found the tremors had died down some... noticing Dom seemed to be trembling now as well.
Mason had no idea what was going on anymore, lowering his eyes as he dared to look down at Mickey leaning up against his shoulder. Why his friend was so intent on keeping him there, Mason hadn't the slightest idea. Yet, underneath however uncomfortable this was, he found it almost felt nice to be needed. The fact he was getting anything good out of this situation however made him feel a bit guilty, ignoring whatever it was that seemed to be having any kind of positive impact on him.
"You're... I don't know why..." Mason trailed off, finding he wasn't entirely sure what to tell him. For whatever reason, he found himself holding back the ridicule he would normally lash out to anyone in a situation like this, eyes still on Dom as he tried to clear his head for just a moment. This was so unlike him and he didn't like it.
"I don't... like it here, maybe..." Whatever he was going to say, he rethought fairly quickly. Staying in silence a moment his eyes trailed down to the floor... toward the stall the syringe had rolled underneath. That... maybe that's what had him shaking like this? Mason had never associated himself with anything of this nature; as a matter of fact he was rather sheltered throughout his life. "...I...if you want me...to stay just..."
What was he saying? Did he really want to be here? ...Mason didn't, he really didn't. He wanted to go home, where nothing unpredictable ever happened and he was safe. However, he couldn't bring himself to do anything, eyes still glued to the floor. After a moment, his lips parted slightly as he went to speak again, hesitating as his mind worked to pick out his next words, "...get rid of it." Mason hated how hesitant he sound, and the fact that he was still shaking, if even just a small bit.
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Post by mickey on Sept 27, 2011 20:45:11 GMT -5
"I...wish...I wish I could impress you but..." The boy choked out, feeling his confidence and the strength of his knees dwindling. His temptation was bringing him closer and closer to the floor as he pulled away from his dear friend in the cold realization that Mason would never be able to accept him for what he was. He searched his mind for excuses, explanations, anything that would keep Mason there. However all he could manage was to shift his position so his back was now against the stall and sink down into a sit. Dominic dared not look at Mason as he did it, letting his fingers trace along the filthy floor in search of his syringe. His cure. His release.
Dominic was silent for a few moments after giving up his search for the time being, letting his bare hands lay on the floor weakly. While lifting his head, he tried to catch sight of Mason but found that doing so would be impossible. There was so much shame... he didn't think he'd feel so ashamed of himself if he were ever caught. He had played the scenario in his head thousands of times. If his parents walked in on him, he'd simply shrug and say 'it's your fault for letting me.' That would have taught them their lesson for kicking him out. Then when it would come to a friend like Kale he'd do the same, only direct the blame on himself and assure him he was alright. 'It's no big deal,' he'd say, 'everyone does it.'
But no one did it for the same reason that Dominic did. He wasn't looking for some absolution or high... he wasn't trying to escape the pains of reality... he had no problems that were big enough to resort to any drug. Dominic liked to compare his problem with transgendered ideology - he was born in a body that didn't belong to him. It wasn't that he wanted to be female... hell, Mickey wasn't even sure if he wanted to be human. He found himself constantly dreaming what it'd be like to fly... and his dreams, those damn dreams just kept tempting him further. Maybe... just maybe... he'd use enough to see what it was really like to fly. It wasn't for the high or the feeling, it was the hope that it'd do him in without hurting him on the way there.
Heh. And here was Mason. Mr. Perfection. Dominic almost hated that about him - how critical he was of everything. But then there was that silent admiration... how didn't let little things like reality bother him. He constantly pointed out flaws... flaws Mickey could care less about. So what he was short? Mason was freaking albino with his white hair and bright red eyes - he was probably the furthest thing from 'perfection.' But for some reason... Mickey loved that about him. How unique he was, how no-nonsense and steady he was. Mason made a good balance to Mickey's finicky behavior... his weakness. The thought of it made him laugh and discard what he was going to say earlier. "Dammit. You're so cool."
And with that, Dominic snatched up his syringe and quickly readied it to his arm. Where did his tie go? Well, whatever. He could find his vein easy enough. He didn't want to dilly-dally this act of defiance that would possibly make his friend hate him forever... but then... why should he bother with someone that didn't accepted all that he was? The thought was enough to get him to speak again, though this time slowly...cold... but hesitant. "I don't think...there's anything in the end that I can do...to make you like me." he said while breathing softly, trying to hide the fear growing in his voice. "I wanted to... believe you were real, too."
Hesitation... the boy started to lower the syringe... suddenly feeling sicker and even more nervous. When Dominic dropped his head he saw a few cold tears drop on his free hand as he clenched athis leg hard. "...but...I do... and...it hurts... it hurts so much...that I accept you...for everything...but you can't..." he cried out, voice breaking with every breath. "it's not fair... and... no matter what I do... no matter how much... I care about someone...they'll see this... and they'll give up on me. Even though I'd...n-never do that to them..."
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Post by Mason Viles on Sept 30, 2011 1:57:51 GMT -5
He didn't move...
Mason wasn't even sure if he could move, even his shivering having come to a halt after Dominic spoke... gaze resting dully on the needle his friend held pointed into his skin. He couldn't entirely understand what he was feeling... some sort of sense of conflict he was unfamiliar with. He should leave, he wanted the security leaving would bring him -- this wasn't something he had any idea how to deal with and he believed he had every right to get up and turn away right now.
...?
No, he couldn't bring himself to move, eyes still trained on the syringe between Mickey's fingers. Something was keeping him here, his mind drifting a moment as he wondered to himself aimlessly. It wasn't like him to be this unsure, usually decisions came to him quickly and without a second though. Something about what Mickey had said was picking away at him though, finding himself sag against the wall of the bathroom stall.. finally bringing his eyes away from the object in his friend's hands to look at his face. It was unusual for Mason to show much emotion in his expression, making the small intend caused from the corners of his lips pointing downward seem incredibly out of place.
"I'll never... understand why you like me so much..." Mason spoke quietly, voice still as emotionless as ever despite the vague look of distress he was displaying. Despite the disgust he felt in doing so, he slowly brought himself down to sit across from Dominic, eyes no longer able to hold their gaze on the other as he stared at the floor almost absently. God, this was absolutely filthy... it almost made his skin crawl just acknowledging he was sitting on the floor like this. The feeling was set aside however, overpowered by his resolve to stay here. He wasn't even sure where it had come from, maybe feeling a bit of a challenge in Mickey's words to him... though Mason wasn't entirely sure that was it.
In all honesty... Mason hadn't the slightest idea why he was still here, opening his mouth as he struggled to say something - "Maybe it's similar to the reason I came here." He placed a gloved finger to the side of his face, a calculating look in his eyes as if this was nothing but a complicated math problem that needed to be solved. "I never thought anyone would want to be my friend considering how flawed I am..." Oh, this again... Mason really wasn't being melodramatic in saying this, it was merely what he believed, voice level as if he were reading facts out of a textbook. He wasn't fishing for compliments either, the thought of doing something like that in this situation annoying to him.
Pausing, he suddenly thought of something... perhaps an answer to this equasion. Why was he here? Not just at this specific moment, but in the first place. Something about Dominic simply intrigued him, not just in his usually thoughtful or overcritical way, but almost in the way a child finds themselves amazed with something adults take no notice in. Mason couldn't remember the last time anything made him feel that way... genuinely curious and wanting to know more about something instead of simply analyzing for the sake of it. There was no doubt most would find Mickey pleasant company... he was humorous, clever, and friendly enough from what Mason had known. Maybe that's what most people saw, but there was something else about the boy that Mason couldn't exactly put his thumb on. "But I thought maybe if I was your friend I could end up being more like you. ...I don't...enjoy being nothing..."
He paused, voice littered with small hints of sincerity as he struggled to speak exactly what was on his mind. It was odd to him, but he found he really did wish he was more like Dominic... he seemed so happy and carefree, whereas Mason was left fighting himself over every little thing. Everything needed to be perfect. Hell, he could barely stand seeing tiny little specks in windows. The entire thing frustrated him, that he could never seem to take his mind off such little insignificant things. He wasn't sure exactly what he was expecting, but it was almost as if he thought Dominic would somehow manage to distract him from noticing all the things that bothered him. It almost hurt him now to see the other like this... as if the small hope he'd worked up toward this whole friendship had somehow obliterated itself in the matter of a few minutes.
After a moment he set his hands down and carefully folded them into his lap, glancing back up to Mickey with a blank look... only his gaze revealing the uncertainty and conflict he really felt. "I don't have any place telling you what's right or wrong... honestly I can't say I know myself. If this is something you truly believe you need, I can't stop you." His voice trailed off, unable to keep his eyes from the syringe once more before he looked to the floor again. The more his mind thought on it, the decision to tell Dominic to get rid of it or he'd leave seemed selfish... as if he was vain enough to think he was worth such a thing. Why should Dominic have to give up anything for the sake of his presence? Of course this was no normal thing to hold onto, but what difference did it really make.
"You know, you're really...messed up, but...I never said I didn't like you..." Mason nodded to himself, finding that was about as sincere he could bring himself to sound. Most would probably only dwell on the negative aspect of this statement, but Mason meant to focus more on the positive note to it. It probably didn't help that he still sounded like he was boringly reading off some kind of script, however he meant what he said... even if it wasn't entirely stuffed with reassurance.
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