Athena Moon

[athenamoon]

Image of your character here.

Athena Moon

_{lyrics or something.}

Athena Hollow Moon

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_{14 September 9th born month day born 2018^st/th.}
Female[/size][/color]

Digidestined[/size][/color]
_{hollow one}
DIGIEGG[/size][/color]
<sub>Dragon Type?

FACE CLAIM.</sub>[/size][/color]
_{None I shall created my own Drawing of her}

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APPEARANCE.[/size][/color]



<sub>She has short cropped medium black raven colored hair. Her skin color is a light peach color. She is five foot six the average female height. She has strong muscles in her arms but she is a rather slim built. She has long Langley arms. And she is wearing a Grey shirt with black blue jeans. She has a scar on the right side of her face towards where a part of her ear had been cut off during a car accident. (See Back Ground information).Athena is not buff muscle wise, but she dose have some strength in her arms. She is on the Track Team at school and is often seen running for long periods of time.

Athena is more health conscious then most people are. She has a cross on the front of her neck that was given to her by her Mother. The cross is made of a heavy iron metal their is a great amount of detail in it meaning it was custom made. The detail is that their are marks along side of it. And also has a blue sphere in the middle of it. She has white shoes that are used for running in general. They are the basic running shoes. The items she has in her pockets is a cell phone, a Swiss army knife and a wallet with her name and school idea in it. She also carries a lucky rabbits foot in her pocket.</sub>

PERSONALITY.[/size][/color]

<sub>-

Basic Personality: She is often referred as cold hearted, can be some what morbid at times. Has a really odd sense of humor. Can be some what critical at times. She is not the nicest person in the world. She can be nice on occasions. People see her as a rude individual on most occasions. She can be rather stubborn at times. She can come off as some what stand off ish in more ways then one. She has times where she can be nice but she can be rather snappish at times and defiant in more ways then one. She often can see walking in the background for most of the time. She often is the one who starts the fight thought some times on rare occasions she will protect some one out of the blue. Her true personality is suppressed due to the dark spore in the back of her neck.

Strong Personality Traits:Often a determined individual and can go into the zone to the point where she concentrates very hard and forgets about the world around her when she works on a personal project or goal. Athena has a good habit of examining the scene before deciding on a course of action. At least that is usually what she dose. Sometimes if Athena is upset or emotional she can recklessly put her life on the line to protect those that have earned her trust.

Middle- She sees the world as an open book that she can take for herself. She mirrors her Father in his ambitions and longs to be the best at what ever she dose.

Personal Flaws: Tends to be rather one sided when it comes to taking sides in a personal fight. Meaning she won't bother learning the reasons why the other person is opposed to her. Tends to have her own agenda. Most of the time she likes to really on herself ad no one else. Has a really Fatal flaw is that once she's made up her mind she is very unlikely to change it. She will be determined to make her goal hers.

Dislikes: Loud obnoxious people, people who tend to ask what's wrong despite not knowing her, or assume that they know her. She dose not like water and has a fear of drowning. Because of that Athena avoids all sort of water in general other then drinking water. She is afraid of stepping into small water so much that she only takes showers.

Likes: The rain and the sun shine. She likes people who wait until she's ready to talk. She likes the silence, and enjoys walking inside of a forest besides herself. She enjoys running to the point where she goes for a few hours at a time. She likes to read books about animals, and military explorations. She also likes to see herself as the hero.</sub>


HISTORY.[/size][/color]

hometown; Woodingtin
family members;
June Moon Step (Mother)- Athena despise her with a passion no matter how kind she is to her.
Eve Moon (Deceased)
Richard Moon(Deceased)
Angus Moon (Father) Step
Step Grandpa:
Step Grandmother:
Step Siblings: Lee and Hanna Moon

<sub>-Early child hood life starts off with a happy family setting her Mother Eve taking time to raise her and her Father Richard. But when she turned ten her Mother and her were in a car accident. But this wasn't an ordinary car accident her Father Richard had been abusing her Mother for the last month and had run his car into them to stop them from escaping. Her Father grabbed her Mother out of the car and dragged her broken and bruised body down the street. It was some hours later before the police showed up her Father had left her in the back of the car to slowly bleed to death. She has a horrible scar on her back her ear and face had been cut before the accident this is what lead her Mother to escape.

By the time the police arrived her Mother was in a very critical state heath wise. She had been nearly beaten to death and had gained a small head injury in the crash. Her Father was commit ed to a mental health institute and was diagnosed with Paranoia and Skitofreniya. He didn't go to jail. Her Mother's recovery was very slow during that time Angus had broken his leg. And shoulder and the two of them bonded while they were in the hospital. Her Mother and her soon to be step Father dated for the next two years but they finally got remarried.

It was then when it happened her Father Richard had escaped from his mental institution once he had heard about her remarriage in the news papers he brought a knife and came into their house and killed Athena's Mother. Athena had been at a friends house and had walked home by herself when she had arrived the door was wide open.Richard had taken his own life after he had killed Athena's Mother. Their was so much blood...it was everywhere...and her Mother her Mother's throat had been cut off severed their was so much blood he had stabbed her Mother at least 37 times in the stomach chest, and face. Her face had been completely misshape.

It was then when her Stepfather came into the house and saw Athena holding her bloody Mother in her arms sobbing at the top of her lungs. For the next few years Athena suffers from depression, paranoia, nightmares, and distrust in any male stranger that is taller then her. At the end of the next two years her Stepfather fell in love with a woman named June who had two kids of her own...</sub>

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I do get on almost every day and I'm sure to be able to post at least once a day maybe more then that. Depends whose else is on and how attached I get to this site. [/size][/color]
_Sarah
AGE.[/size][/color]
₂₀
OTHER CHARACTERS?
None at the moment but I have plans to make one more.[/size][/color]
_{Athena Moon}
PRETTY PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME...[/size][/color]
_{I would like one from the Dragon Category-
Least Favorite:
Veemon
monodramon}


Athena opened her bright blue eyes she blinked her body was stretched out on the couch it was soft against her skin and she was staring up at the ceiling not making a move to speak her arms were rested on the back of her head as she laid motionless on he couch. Her Stepfather Angus had made her go to co uncling and it didn't seem to do nothing but fuel her anger. So far she had been in three fights this last two weeks already and had been suspended from school. Her eyes grew hard and distant as she smiled at the poor shrew of a man.

Sitting up suddenly and abruptly startling him she could see the shock on his face. So far she hadn't spoken not a word during their time together her eyes a blazed with furry as she stared at him a cold look on her face as she leaned back into the sofa. "So Dock...what is it that you want to talk about." Her tone was filled with bore-drum she already knew the answer to that question but a pleased look had appeared across her face. As if she had done something good.

"The teachers have told me about your sudden change in personality over the last few months. Your Father has told me that he's gotten remarried." He paused for a long moment as he wrote something down on the bored in his hands. Athena let out a scowl as she glared at him for a long moment.

"We don't need anyone else." Athena snapped her tone furious as she glared at him he looked startled at the sudden out burst.'why dose Father insist on bringing me here.' She thought as her eyes darted back and forth as she stared at him not backing down.

"You seem to have a rather bad temper lately." He spoke as Athena suddenly smiled.

"Really would you like to see it?" She snapped.

"Calm down- Suddenly the phone rang and he stood up. "I'll be back." He got to his feet and walked out of the room. Athena watched him leave with the phone in hand she stood up and made her way off of the room towards the computer.'Lets see what damage I can do.' She thought as she grabbed a hold of the mouse. But then without warning suddenly a violent light flashed from the computer and her eyes widened in shock as she was engulfed. [/size][/color]


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[nadia]

Please beef up your physical description. n-n It needs to be in sentences and a minimum of two paragraphs. Same goes for personality, which needs to be three paragraphs minimum. Also please check over your grammar and spelling - you've got run-ons and a few things that don't make sense.

[athenamoon]

Allright Ill be sure to do that then

[nadia]

Okay, hang on for me. This is going to be a little long. Please do not take offense. I'm not typing this to be mean. I'm trying to help you as a writer, okay? We all need guidance some time in our writing lives - so take this as an opportunity! It's going to sound like an English lesson, and in a way, it is. But please read and take to heart!

I'm going to go point-by-point.

P H Y S I C A L d e s c r i p t i o n

• First things first - your paragraphs will read a lot better if you vary your sentence structure. The noun verb format gets tiresome if overused. So does using she more than once in a row. Sentences can be much more interesting if you use dependent/subordinate clauses to start off a sentence. An example would be:

"Instead of wearing her hair long, Nadia likes to keep it cut short."

You can even reverse it, the independent clause followed by the dependent.

"Nadia prefers to keep her hair short instead of wearing it long."

The sentence structure you're using gets stagnant and thus, doesn't hold interest. Sentences can be combined and lengthened to add flow, which is perhaps the most important aspect of prose. Everything should feel natural to read AND write. I'll take some of your profile as an example.

She has short cropped medium black raven colored hair. Short cropped medium black raven colored hair. There's a lot of redundancy here. "Black" and "raven" are the same. And "colored" is unnecessary. Her skin color is a light peach color. One of the "colors" is unnecessary.She is five foot six the average female height. You need a comma here. Even a semicolon or a dash. She has strong muscles in her arms but she is a rather slim built. She has long Langley arms. Here's a case of awkward wording. One sentence starts with "She has strong..." and the next is "She has long...". This reads awkwardly! "Langley" is a name, also, not an adjective. I think you meant "lanky", which would also be redundant when put with "long" because they are essentially the same thing. And she is wearing a Grey shirt with black blue jeans. She has a scar on the right side of her face towards where a part of her ear had been cut off during a car accident. (See Back Ground information). You need to have a plan for what to write where and when. If not beforehand, do some editing after. You go back to describing her arms and musculature a second time after going on to talk about her clothes. Also what kind of shirt is it? Cotton? Chiffon? Is it a t-shirt? What kind of cut is it? Slim cut, unisex? V-neck or scoop neck? Grey is also NOT a proper noun and doesn't need to be capitalized. Athena is not buff muscle wise, but she dose have some strength in her arms. She is on the Track Team at school and is often seen running for long periods of time. "track team" isn't a proper noun.

Athena is more health conscious then most people are. This first sentence is out of place with the rest of the paragraph. In what way is she health conscious? Is she a vegetarian? Does she only eat natural, unprocessed foods? Will she pick a salad over a burrito every time? If you're going to add a fact, expand on it. It will give your character more character! She has a cross on the front of her neck that was given to her by her Mother. The cross is made of a heavy iron metal their is a great amount of detail in it meaning it was custom made. The detail is that their are marks along side of it. And also has a blue sphere in the middle of it. This is also an awkward description that doesn't really tell us much. It tells us a lot of nothing, to be honest. Mother here is not a proper noun. "Mother" and "Father" are only capitalized when you are using it in place of her name. Like "Mother, may I please have some more?" If you aren't directly addressing and referring to her, it's lowercase. "This is my mother, Bernadette." If "my" or "her" is before it, it will always be lowercase. Your description of her necklace is also really awkward and choppy. The 'detail' being marks on the side doesn't put an image in my head. Make us clearly see what it is your are describing. This is your character and we don't know who they are and we don't see them how you do in your head. You have to be thorough. She has white shoes that are used for running in general. They are the basic running shoes. The items she has in her pockets is a cell phone, a Swiss army knife and a wallet with her name and school idea "I.D." not idea. in it. She also carries a lucky rabbits foot in her pocket.

These pointer go for your whole profile too, not just the physical description. We also don't want a your profile to be segmented in the way you have it. Not with these colons and fragments. Use a paragraph format throughout the whole thing.

Overall, you have over 40 errors - spelling, coding, grammatical. We stopped counting. That's not acceptable, I'm sorry. Good at grammar or not, this profile needs a lot of improvement before we can possibly accept it.

Also, please decrease the resolution of your image. It's bad to stretch the page. Either make it smaller or split it into two images.

[athenamoon]

This is how I normaly post I know my writting isn't the best but I don't think I can rp at this type of level if its that advanced but I shall try my best anyways. X3