Alistar Yilmaz

[yilmaz]

AlistarYilmaz
_{The power to be strong, And the wisdom to be wise,
All these things will come to you in time./
There are things in life you learn and, in time you'll see.
'Cause out there somewhere, It's all waiting.}

FULL NAME.

[/size][/color]
_{Alistar Beaufort Yilmaz}
NICKNAME(S).[/size][/color]
<sub>"Almaz" - just a combination of his first and last name

fun fact: "In Ethiopian, the name Almaz means- diamonds. The name Almaz originated as an Ethiopian name. The name Almaz is most often used as a girl name or female name." - "meaning-of-names.com"</sub>
AGE & BIRTHDATE.[/size][/color]
_{42 - July 5^th.}
GENDER.[/size][/color]
_Male.
RANKING.[/size][/color]
_{Hollow One.}
DIGIEGG or OCCUPATION.[/size][/color]
_{Security at Melbourne Cricket Ground Stadium.}
FACE CLAIM.[/size][/color]
_{Melt - Tower of Druaga: the Aegis of Uruk}

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APPEARANCE.[/size][/color]

<sub>Alistar wears a dark green leather jacket, black gloves, and wears glasses because his sight has worn down over the years. He normally wears some worn-down, greenish boots. An old watch is worn around his left wrist. Alistar doesn't wear his wedding ring. He's afraid of losing it again and has this paranoia inside that persuades him to keep it safe at home.

Alistar has a pair of dull green eyes, as well as long shaggy-grey hair that he ties in a ponytail. He doesn't shave much and usually has a bit of facial hair. His body has a few scars here and there from not paying attention to his surroundings.

Alistar lost half of his hand from a snakebite. This includes his ring finger and middle finger on his right hand. He has prosthetic fingers underneath his glove. His 'fingers' are made of steel and blue plastic materials. A clamp keeps the prosthetic fingers in place and holds on to his hand. The remaining parts of his fingers trigger a mechanism inside that makes the fingers curl. It did hinder him for a while and took some time to work with the new appendages.</sub>


PERSONALITY.[/size][/color]

<sub>Alistar is quiet man who doesn't really like to talk to others. It isn't because he's shy or thinks that people are inferior to him. It's because he doesn't feel the need to socialize oftenly like other people do. He loves to hear any kind of humor, but Alistar does at poor job at telling jokes.

Alistar doesn't like to judge others based on looks. He believes that actions of a person reflects their nature. Alistar is loyal to his wife and friends. When he's in a good mood, he will listen to you and maybe help with your problems. His mindsets based on helping others first and not helping himself. Whatever the case is, he tries to put some effort into helping you and your problem.

Normally he helps young women more than young men with problems. He has some problems with other men. This guy doesn't like other guys around Trisha, his wife. He's afraid that Trisha would lose interest in him and feels the need to be protective. His wife was his first kiss, first real relationship, and first marriage.

After his encounter with a snake during his late teens, he's afraid of losing anything. He had already lost his hand and daughter. Sometimes he has sleepless nights for thinking about when his own parents depart from this world. A dream pops by once in a while that takes place of the day he lost his two fingers. Alistar doesn't like to bring up what happened because it hurts him inside when he thinks about it.

When it comes to kids, he doesn't mind watching over them. Sometimes he becomes a little impatient with kids who have an attitude problem. However, since they are not his kids, he doesn't have the right to scold them unless given permission to do so.</sub>

HISTORY.[/size][/color]

hometown; Melbourne, Australia
family members;Jaycob Yilmaz[father],
Caroline Yilmaz[mother], Emit Yilmaz[uncle], Trisha Yilmaz [wife],
Annabelle Yilmaz [daughter][deceased], Junot Berkeley [close friend]

<sub>Alistar was born and raised in Melbourne, Australia. His father Jaycob worked at the Melbourne Zoo. Jaycob worked with primates and birds, while his mother was unemployed. Caroline looked after Alistar until he was old enough for school. Alistar didn't really care too much about his father's job at the zoo. He wanted to go hunting, but his father wasn't too thrilled when Alistar told him. And the news was a little daunting to his mother as well. Whenever he would visit his uncle Emit in Leopold, Alistar would ask about hunting laws, because his uncle was a part of the SSAA (Sporting Shooters Association of Australia) and a local gun club. It was complicated to tell Alistar of the many complications of gun politics, but said that if he really wanted to he would help him. Both Alistar and his uncle had a long discussion with his parents until finally persuading them that it would bring some form of between uncle and nephew. Soon after wards he got his license, and his Permit to Acquire, then joined the SSAA.

Over a few years he had hunted many foxes, rabbits, and other small animals. There was a time when he was after a small fox, but tripped into a river, after the event he had several stitches on his left arm, waist, and scrapped up his knee. Before he could take the Waterfowl Identification Test, a stiletto snake bit him. Alistar was at a friend's house and his friend, Junot Berkeley, had just bought a snake from a black market. When his friend was trying to take out the snake, it sprung out at Alistar. It bit him on the knuckle of his ring and middle digits on his hand. The doctors could not take any action until the toxin had run its course. Throughout the wait, Alistar experienced hours of intense pain and watch his hand slowly mutate into the bag of liquefied flesh. After surgery, he could not properly use his gun after his hospitalization. Alistar did take into thought of possibly purchasing a left-handed gun, but it would have been more expensive. Furthermore, he thought what were the chances of him having better aim with his left side. So after a long while, he decided to quit hunting. When he recovered Alistar decided to find a job and hasn't recently talked to his uncle since the snakebite.

Alistar was 17 when he asked a girl to go to an annual dance with him and she said yes. It felt like he made a great accomplishment because it was the first time he had asked out a girl. He had never felt this way before with another person at the time. He had planned out how the dance could go; his heart was pounding with excitement. When he showed up to the dance she was with another guy. Alistar asked why she was with this person. The girl told him that she said yes as a joke. Alistar felt confused and upset, he didn't stay for the rest of the night. His heart was so torn he didn't really talk to anyone for a while nor attempted to face another girl until after he graduated. Before graduating from school, he found a job at a marketplace for fresh fruits and vegetables. Overtime he had enough money to get out of his parents' house and rent himself an apartment. He left is old job and found a few along the way; his current job is working as security at Melbourne Cricket Ground stadium.

Around his mid-twenty's he met a woman named Trisha. She worked as room service at the Melbourne Hotel. He met her while still in college. They started dating for a while and then married. There was a seven-year age gap, Trisha being the older of the two. Alistar didn't care about what people said, in his eyes she was wonderful woman. During the first year of their marriage, Alistar's mother had a problem in the sink. His father was away at the time and he thought he could fix the problem himself. While he was, his ring came loose and fell into the drain. Alistar called his father and had an unpleasant talk about the ring. Alistar decided only to wear his ring on special occasion and when he wasn't doing anything that might cause him to lose it again.

He noticed something about Trisha that did concern him. It was her smoking problem. One day Trisha asked if they could try having a child. At first, Alistar didn't like the sound of the idea and explained that she would have to quit smoking. He stated: "If you really wish to have a child, then you will have to quit smoking." And she stopped addiction gradually. Alistar had high hopes for having his first child. Unfortunately their child, who was going to be named Annabelle, died because she was choked by the umbilical cord. They didn't have time to go to a hospital because their car broke down on the way to the hospital. While they waited for the toe truck to pick them up they called their friends in hope to find another ride. His friend Junot was able to take them to the hospital, but by the time they went in the baby had already passed. Both Alistar and Trisha went through some form of depression. Trisha started smoking again. It was at first once or twice a week then gradually it became her pastime. It wasn't long until Alistar brought up the idea of a vacation to cope with the loss. Trisha and Alistar traveled to New Orleans and stayed for 13 days. Alistar's idea did help with his wife, but he still felt sadness in his heart. When they came back to Australia they tried for another child. Sadly all the pregnancy tests showed negative. A week later they went to their doctor to check why they couldn't have another child. The doctor stated it was the years of smoking and her age, at the time Alistar and Trisha were in their mid-thirty's.

Currently they are going on another trip to Japan with his wife and beloved friend. Alistar hopes to find something special for Trisha. He had an idea of giving his wife a gift that would make up for his over-protective nature. His friend Junot mentioned an organization in Japan that he could find a unique gift. Although Junot himself did not know exactly what they sell, he had only heard these rumors from his friends in Japan. Still, Junot friend told Alistar where he could find them and specifically told him not repeat those words.</sub>

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ONLINE HANDLE.[/size][/color]
_Zephy
AGE.[/size][/color]
₁₇
OTHER CHARACTERS?[/size][/color]
_{Irene Eaves, Cadmus Stone, Izumi Tomoko, Impmon, Muchomon}
PRETTY PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME...[/size][/color]
_{if possible, I would like to purchase Kiwimon}
RP SAMPLE.[/size][/color]
_{optional for staff.}

[/font]
[/blockquote]

[Chiaroscuro Hughes]

SWEEP

Most common errors include:

• sentence fragments
• missing or unnecessarily added words
• misplaced/wrong choice of word/s
• near-complete lack of clarity/explanation, sometimes continuity

Sentence Fragments

• "Long shaggy grey hair that he ties in a ponytail."
• "underneath his glove."

Missing or Unnecessarily Added Words

• "[...] because his sight isn't [missing word] well as it should be."
• "[...] lost half of his hand from [missing word] snake bite."
• "[...] with her and [missing word] started dating for a while. "
• "Trisha didn't mind the fact he owned [missing word] gun [...]"

• "He cares about her as any other good husband should."
• "[...] around her unless if he knows that they are married."
• "Unless if they are total brats, [...]"
• "And he wears a wrist watch around his left wrist."
• "[...] the umbilical cord she was attached to."

Misplaced or Wrong Choice of Word/s & Explanation

• "[...] has a bit of stuffiness under his chin."

stuffiness - state of obstruction or stoppage or air in the nose or throat
stuffiness - the quality of being close and poorly ventilated

• "[...] he had enough money to buy himself an apartment and receive a hunters permit"

Apartments are rented, permits are bought.

• "[...] responsible enough not to do anything asinine."

While the direct dictionary definition is simply 'stupid', asinine usually refers to speech or gesture, not an action.

Lack of Clarity, Explanation, and Sometimes Continuity

• You have the character down as a Hollow One, but you do not specify what captured digimon you want to purchase from the AIR Market.

• It is nearly impossible to coax a straight definition of the occupation "professional shooter" from Google. What definition I can get does not remotely fit the profile of a hunting man (I'm assuming he hunts, he has a hunting permit and wanted to hunt as a kid) that you've presented.

This is the definition I managed to find:
A "Professional Shooter", for the purpose of argument, is one who has not only had all competitive expenses compensated by a (commercial) third party, but sufficient or a major part of his/her income derives from competition-related ... or expertise-related (eg: training classes), or professional (eg: branch of the U.S. Military which has assigned him/her to, for example, the U.S. Marksmanship Unit) ... day-to-day work to the point where we can honestly assert that their livelihood IS supported directly or indirectly by their Competitive prowness. And this support is to a greater degree incumbent upon their continuing ability to 'win' at the shooting competition defined by USPSA.

If you found a different definition somewhere, please share it.

• Furthermore, you provide little (if any) insight into the hunting life this man should have. You mention that he wanted to hunt as a child, but never actually establish that he did. I am assuming he did, for otherwise he would have had no need for a "Class A and B Longarm License" or a "Class D Longarms or Heirlooms License". These licenses, when entered directly into Google (including the quotations) yield one result. This app. This confused me, until I realized that it was actually a "Long Arms" license. Still, searching "Class A and B Long Arms License" yields no results.

When I removed the quotations, I began to get some answers. I delved into Australian gun politics and discovered how very complicated it is to get firearm and hunting permits. I doubt that Alistar's mother would have been willing to wade through the Permit To Acquire, for which (depending on what class of firearm you want to get) a Genuine Reason or a Genuine Need (and reason why a lesser firearm is unsuitable). Firearms beyond class A and B are tightly restricted, and it is even less likely that Alistar would have been able to skip over class C and acquire a class D permit, even as an adult.

Continuing on, an "heirloom" firearm is a deactivated weapon, usually hung on the wall or something like that. You give no mention of Alistar having any sentimental or old gun that he'd need an heirloom permit for.

Hunting permits are a different beast altogether. Every legal hunter (legally starting at age 12) needs a current "Game License". "Game" includes those species of duck, deer, quail, pheasants and partridges declared to be game in Victoria (the Australian state that encompasses Melbourne). To hunt species beyond that, further licenses are required, and tests that must be passed to acquire them. To hunt birds, a prospective hunter must pass the Waterfowl Identification Test. You don't elaborate on how a man or child who went through school with "average to below average grades" passed such a test, if he'd needed to.

Another thing about hunting is that when you can hunt is also highly regulated. There are "open seasons" and "off seasons" for different animals and such. Depending on what Alistar was hunting, he'd be gone a lot for certain times of the year. You don't mention this, and you don't mention how his wife would hold up all alone.

The point of all that is, there is a serious problem with the fact that the only mention you make of hunting is in Alistar's occupation, in the mention of a few licenses, and that he wanted to hunt as a child. I have given you evidence that shows how complicated, even difficult, getting a hunting permit in Australia is. I should not have had to research all of that myself.

• Assuming that he was somehow able to hunt throughout and after his childhood, there is still an issue of finance. Hunting and firearms licenses must be renewed each year, and the renewal costs money. Not to mention the costs of ammunition, replacement firearm parts or even replacement firearms, transportation to get to, around in, and back from a hunt, food during all that--heck, even food during regular life. Not to mention apartment rent and, depending on what kind of apartment he was renting and how nice the landlord was, utilities.

You make little mention of Trisha, his wife--you don't say if she went on hunts with Alistar or anything. But a wife would mean double the cost of food and utilities, plus luxury items. And then you say he quit his already meager-paying job? No. No, I'm sorry, but unless he was somehow making a ton money from hunting, he would need a job.

• "[...] big noisy boots that his wife Trisha hates because of how filthy they are." Why are the boots filthy? Does he ever clean them? Why would his wife hate them for noise and filth--does he wear them all over the house?

• "[...] his wedding ring because he's afraid of losing it." Why?

• "His body has a few scars here and there." Why, how did he get them?

• "Alistar lost half of his hand from snake bite. This includes his little finger, ring finger and middle finger on his right hand. He has prosthetic fingers. underneath his glove." The loss of any body part, even a digit, is life-altering. Yet you mention this once, and in the Appearance section. What kind of snake bit him, and why was he that close to it in the first place? How did he recover from the loss of most of the use of his right (probably dominant) hand? Did it affect his shooting? Does he have a fear of snakes because of it? This is an excellent opportunity for development here!

• "He might be staring into your soul and judging you, but what is there to judge?" But what is there to judge in a person's soul?" ? ? ? You practically state that the human soul is devoid of matter, of life. Please explain why Alistar could think that, or even whether or not he does.

• "The guy doesn't like other guys around her unless if he knows that they are married." Woah, woah, woah. That sounds highly possessive--he doesn't want a single guy to even be near Trisha? Is Trisha allowed to leave the house alone? Why is Alistar like that?

• "Unless if they are total brats, then he would love to smack them right across the face." What?

• "At one point he had to repeat year 7 of secondary school." When I googled "secondary school", I got high school. In my experience, high school is four years, not seven. Please just state the grade he had to repeat (11th, 9th, etc).

• "[...] died because she was choked by the umbilical cord she was attached to." Why didn't any attending physicians do anything to stop such a complication? Was it a home birth? Please clarify. ((Negative: Also I had the same thing happen when I was born! I was being choked too but when my heart started slowing down they just did a c-section %u))

• "Sadly all the pregnancy tests showed negative." Why didn't they go to a fertility doctor? Was one of them somehow rendered sterile?

• "Alistar is hoping to find something special for Trisha. It is currently a surprise, but if she doesn't like it he'll keep it to himself." Is this referring to a purchased digimon? How would a tourist like Alistar find out about the shady organization AIR?

Sources:

• dictionary definition of stuffiness, here
• Australian hunting regulations, here
• Australian hunting license policies, here
• definition of a professional shooter, here
• gun politics in Australia, here

• If I left out a source for some fact and you'd like me to provide it, feel free to pm the event account!

NOTE: These are most of the serious errors I could spot on my first pass. I may have left something out that I could find if a second sweep is required. If you believe that one or more of my corrections is unnecessary, please feel free to pm the staff account. I copied all of the quoted material directly from the app, so the retroactive defense of "I never said that." is not acceptable. Please sweep the entire app for minor grammar mistakes other than the ones I specifically mentioned.

[yilmaz]

modified.

[Chiaroscuro Hughes]

SWEEP #2

^{_{A second sweep is required because, while many errors were fixed, some weren’t and new ones appeared as well.}}

Frequent Errors:

• recurring errors
• inaccuracies and impossibilities
• miscellaneous errors
• incorrect/redundant words or phrases
• lack of explanation or clarity

Recurring Errors:

• You don’t specify what digimon Alistar would like to purchase.

• “At a glance he might be staring into you and possibly judging you, but what is there to judge?” See the first sweep.

• You do not explain why all the pregnancy tests showed up negative, nor why—if the couple wanted a child so badly—they chose not to visit a doctor.

Inaccuracies and Impossibilities:

• You state that a tiger snake bite was the cause of Alistar losing half of his hand, but that is highly improbable. A snake doesn’t have the teeth or biting power to tear off a chunk of flesh; snakes use poison to incapacitate and eventually kill their victims. The venom of a tiger snake acts as a paralytic, neurotoxin, and respiratory depressant, making it highly unlikely that a bite would lead to partial hand necrosis and the necessitated removal of such a part.

In the event that the venom did kill flesh, it would take more than just a part of the hand; it would take the entire hand or maybe even the whole arm. Also, victims of a tiger snake bite become paralyzed rather quickly—unless Alistar had been hunting in a group that was capable of delivering him quickly to a hospital or administering antivenom themselves, it’s very likely that he would have died entirely. On a final note, snakes only attack when threatened. What would a seasoned hunter have done to threaten a snake he undoubtedly knew was deadly? Why did he not notice the snake as it reared to strike?

• Why wasn’t there time to go to the hospital before Trisha’s baby choked? Usually, an expecting mother goes to the hospital when she first starts having contractions. This leaves ample time for the doctors to prevent any such unfortunate outcomes.

• “Before he could listen carefully his wife called him over and still had his suspicions.” Suspicions of what? Shady characters talking in an alleyway by no means immediately reads “digimon”. Furthermore, the members of AIR are far too carefully trained to call such attention to themselves. All transactions are professional and conducted in the AIR building, and any employees who open their mouths a little too wide are fired and subjected to memory removal. Does Alistar have any black market connections that he could hear indirectly about AIR from? That would be far more likely.

Incorrect/Redundant Words or Phrases:

• “Alistar wears glasses because of his lack of sight.” Lack of sight implies blindness.
• “[…] because he's afraid of loosing it” To “loose” is to set free, release, or untie.

• “[…] boots, which he often forgets to clean them.”
• “And he wears a watch around his left wrist.”

Miscellaneous:

• Most of your sentences are clipped and would better serve as parts of a whole sentence. While having such sentences is not technically wrong, it disrupts the flow of your paragraphs.

• “The guy doesn't like other guys around her unless if he knows that they are married.” “Her” is the first mention you give of Trisha in the app, but it is highly confusing because the reader has no way of knowing who “her” is. Also, see the first sweep regarding the use of “if” in that sentence.

• There are many simple grammatical errors, such as a lack of or incorrect punctuation, issues regarding the singular vs. plural forms of a word and when to use each, and instances where you compound two words incorrectly into one.

Lack of Clarity or Explanation:

• “Normally he doesn't wear his wedding ring because he's afraid of loosing it again because Alistar has this paranoia inside that persuades him to keep it safe at his home.” This sentence is both a run-on and entirely unclear. “Again” implies that he’s lost the ring before, but you give no mention of it in the history. “Because” should not be used twice in one sentence.

• “His body has a few scars here and there from either not paying attention or over-thinking situations leading to not-so pleasurable outcomes.” When did he get these scars? Was it during his hunting career? How would over-thinking a situation lead a physical injury?

• “His wife was his first with everything, from his first kiss to first marriage.” In the History section, you state that Alistar met Trisha in his mid-20s. Most people have their first kiss or even first sexual encounter before that. Why was he so chaste until then?

[yilmaz]

modified.

[BlackGuilmon]

A C C E P T E D _
_{your digimon partner is . . . Kiwimon}