Post by misaka on Sept 19, 2011 16:19:46 GMT -5
Moment Music
Black and white surroundings. It was a familiar setting for the young teen as she laid upon the floor, eyes staring towards an endless blue sky over her. The girl was alone, as her dreams always began. This was just how it had been. Her worst nightmares never involved being chased or eaten. Solitude was enough to cause her concern. Mostly because it was the only real fear she'd even known.
Eyes closing, Misaka released a breath before sitting upwards and placing her hands upon her lap. Her face didn't show any reaction to the realization of her situation, in fact, it was set with a frown. So many times she had been here, in this exact place. The scenes that would play out never changed. While the room and herself were colored in black and white, the sky above was it's natural blue. What did this mean? The teen had yet to quite figure that out.
"Mommy!!"
Glancing towards a strange door that appeared as though from thin air, a 6 year old girl in a yellow rain coat rushed inside with a grin. Placing her small bag on the floor, she skipped through the room, looking around the corner with a confused expression. It appeared that she couldn't see Misaka sitting on the floor, so she continued to search for someone. She called out again and then blinked as she walked down the hall in an effort to get a response, the older female just looked away and sighed.
"You won't find anyone......"
While this wasn't a memory of any event in her life, it was a feeling that she had always felt inside herself. That somehow, in the midst of everything, she was forgotten. Maybe not in the sense that people didn't know of her existence, but in the idea that she was there. That she mattered. Often, especially as of late, this feeling of knowing where she stood was always upon her mind. Misaka wanted to know what her place was? Where was it that she stood in her family? The little girl was her, lost in such a large place and not knowing where anyone was.
Perhaps she was over thinking this? But where in her life had she ever felt needed? Her purpose had never been made clear to her, she always had to seek it. While both her siblings seemed to already know where and what they were, Misaka didn't know anything about herself. Everything she had gained was through hard effort and constant drive, while her brother and sister seemed to have it given.
Was she jealous? That would be a easy way of explaining her feelings. Who wouldn't be jealous? After all, attention seemed to be focused directly upon both Renn and Kazai. The genius and the natural prodigy. Yet there she was, the average daughter. To stay ahead she had to study constantly, work hard every day, and train to the point that she was ready to pass out. But it never seemed to gain anything in signs of praise or even some recognition.
As she continued to sit there, Misaka didn't even noticed that her figure was fading in and out of existence. A new set in up this dream as usually it ended with her falling into blackness. But now it appeared that she was slowly fading away. Fading, much like how she felt personally. Her very self disappearing among the many achievements surrounding her.
"I.....I just don't want to be forgotten........"
Staring towards the ground with a blank expression, body limp like that of a doll, the girl reflected on the many cases in which she found herself helping others. Many thought it was a good quality about her, how selfless she was. But was it really out of the goodness of her heart that she did this? No......She did it for herself. Misaka helped people so that they would remember her, that they would know her name and never forget what she did for them. The feeling of being remembered and not over looked, it built her up, made her feel just as important as everyone else. Though it wasn't enough. She wanted something permanent.
It didn't matter anymore. Misaka finally was starting to understand her place. It was to be nothing. Like many people related to those destined for greatness, she would be nothing. Under the shadows of giants, she'd be an ant. Try as she might, she would never be included or able to surpass her fate. Already she could see the changes as even Kazai was finally starting to see that she'd outgrown her. Where was she to go now? What was left on her path but to set into the background?
"But...I don't want to go...I.....I..."
Her words were softened as she finally could see that she was disappearing. Standing up with a start, the girl held her hands out before her and saw how they were fading. Misaka screamed, running towards the door in attempt to open it. Finding it to be locked, she then ran down the hall and opened another door at it's end. On it's other side was her family, but they stood amongst each other, not even seeing her. The teen yelled and moved in front of every one of them ,announcing her presence. But still they ignored her.
"Im here!! See me!! Im right here!!! Mom!! Dad!! Please see me!!!"
Sliding down to her knees, tears began to slowly stream down her face as she continued to fade out of existence.
"Please.....please...see me......I'm still...here....Remember me....please?"
With that, the girl vanished, no one even knowing she was there to begin with. That was how the dreamed. Always leaving her in the darkness. Always unnoticed, never with an goodbye or a hello. Invisible through and through.......